Time to move on..

Ten years ago (I can't believe it myself that it has been that long), I enrolled Ariq in his first drum lesson. Ariq was 4 years old and he had been asking for drum lesson for almost a year. Starting the drum lesson was as exciting for Ariq as it was daunting for me. My music lesson was not the best experience I had in my life.. Anyway, it didn't take too long for Ariq to understand rhythm and drum playing. It took longer for him to settle down and stay focused during sessions.

After 1 year of lesson, we moved house, and I had to stop his lesson because our new home was quite far from the music school. Plus, all the energy was focused on the moving out and moving in process, including starting Ariq in the new school. It was during the period of KG B for Ariq. He was exhausted with all the changes at first, but, after a few months, he started to feel adjusted and he started asking about drum lesson again.

After one year adjusting to the new life, I finally found a new music school for Ariq, not far from home.. Right when Ariq had had enough of waiting and was ready to start drum lesson again. This time, Ariq was starting 1st year of Primary School. 

He was so happy when I told him that he was starting drum lesson again.. and I was happy to see him happy..

After taking the drum lesson for about two years, Ariq started performing in his music school concerts. He played drums to the songs prepared by his drum teacher. The first few concerts were quite a challenge. Not because he was struggling with the songs, but because he had to wait in line for his performance. He was still a little impatient as he was excited about going on stage and playing in front of the audience. He wasn't always flawless, but he finally understood that it wasn't perfection that matters, instead his feeling for the song, which lets him gain better understanding of himself, his skills and technique. Concert by concert, he rose up to be more confident.

At the same period of time, around third year of primary school, Ariq was invited to audition for the school orchestra team. However, he came home with the news that he wasn't chosen. I kept encouraging him to keep trying and be confident. He must believe that he would make it the next time.. And he kept trying, every audition, for the next two years.

Fifth year of Primary School, I was really puzzled when Ariq's classroom teacher asked me why Ariq still hadn't joined the orchestra team. I replied that he still hadn't made it through the audition. Ariq's classroom teacher was puzzled by my answer. Trying to end my confusion, I finally decided to meet with the orchestra teacher, from whom I finally found the answer to the mystery. Ariq didn't understand that he wasn't auditioning for membership, he was auditioning for songs. Since there were more than one drummers, the orchestra teacher had to place the right drummer for each song. During these auditions/practice sessions, Ariq always felt uncomfortable and kept leaving the practice. When I saw the orchestra team members, I understood why Ariq thought he wasn't chosen. The orchestra team consisted of highly talented, dedicated, young musicians, and most of them were older than Ariq.

For almost a year, I had to personally take Ariq to orchestra practice, 'handed him over' to the orchestra teacher and waited until the practice was over.. Finally, after a few orchestra performances, and Ariq had started to get to know his teachers and friends (seniors and junior members), Ariq finally felt belong in the orchestra team and he would go for practice by his own effort.

Throughout sixth year of primary school, Orchestra became Ariq's passion and his world. More than learning music, he learned about teamwork, harmony and advancing his music skills. Both Ariq's drum teachers (the school orchestra teacher and the drum teacher at the music school) always gave Ariq advice and encouragement. They knew Ariq so well that their advice was always in sync although they never met. I was so glad that Ariq had two excellent teachers.. And Ariq respected them very much..

At the end of sixth year, Ariq graduated from primary school and decided to study in a boarding school. He admitted to me that it was really hard for him to leave his drum playing, but he believed that he needed to see a different side of life by moving into a new environment.. During enrollment process, Ariq asked the teacher of the boarding school if there was a possibility for him to play music there. To his relief, the teacher explained that there would be time when students could do some sports or music, and one of the teachers can supervise the students if they need to go outside the school boundaries to do their activities.. Unfortunately, Ariq kept getting sick through the first year of Junior High School, so that his dad decided to take him home after the final exam..

Ariq was enrolled into a different junior high school for his second year. This school was very close to home, to give him a chance to fully recover. Once Ariq's health was better, he decided to rejoin the orchestra team, and start his drum lesson again. Both his teachers happily welcome him. During his fragile time -becoming adolescent, changing schools and not perfectly in good health- his drum world was the steady thing in his life.. I was really grateful of his teachers..

For one year, Ariq's adjustment into the new life (again) was not as smooth as I would hope.. The new phase of life, new friends, new experience, triggered the emotional roller coaster in him.. There many things that he and I didn't agree on. His adolescent curiosity often crashed with my expectation of him to be a responsible young adult.. My days with Ariq felt like they were filled with rocks and storms.. Still, he found his constant and stability in his drum world..

During the second year of junior high school, Ariq watched his seniors in orchestra team leaving the team in pursue of their new lives.. Until  only a small number of senior members left.. And as Ariq was going to be in his 3rd year of Junior High School, he had started preparing for another new phase of life too..

At the end of second year of junior high school, things became so tough, that there was a point when drum-life was the only thing that could convey a lesson for Ariq, so his dad had to challenge him by taking away his drum lesson. At that point of time, orchestra became his primary anchor.. I was glad that it actually became a learning phase for him. His interest expanded. He started learning bass guitar, piano and violin on his own. His teachers and friends in the orchestra team were his inspirations.. 

Despite Ariq's thoughts about how life would be after graduating from junior high school, once again, a change happened sooner that he had anticipated..

Starting orchestra practice session in the third year of junior high school, one of Ariq's old classmates who had continued studying in his old school (the same school with Ariq's primary school), was attending the orchestra practice session. Ariq was so happy when he found out that his friend was there as the new drummer.. Ariq had been asking a few of his friends from primary school to join the orchestra team as drummers, because being the only drummer for an orchestra team had always been quite a challenge, especially when there were more than 2 or 3 songs to practice at once.. Ariq was also relieved that once he graduated from junior high school, there was a great drummer already to replace him..

However, a mother's heart was not as easy to accept change as a teenage boy's..

Last Saturday, during the orchestra parents meeting, I was informed that the school orchestra was reorganising. The school committee would start to enforce the guidelines of orchestra membership, which was only current students and alumni -who graduated from senior high school-, could join or stay as members. Therefore, current active/non-active members who did not fall under these categories had to resign immediately.. This came as a shock to me, and it felt really hard for me to tell Ariq about this.. In the past, the definition of alumni was students who have finished a level of education in the school, be it primary, junior high or senior high school.

At the end of the practice session, I softly informed Ariq about the news and asked him to say goodbye to his orchestra teacher. He did as I asked and I was surprised to see the teachers' shocked reaction to the news. Apparently, they didn't know about the news yet. Ariq's teacher asked us to wait a few days for confirmation. He wanted to keep the team as long as he could.

I was silent as we walked to the car. I couldn't imagine how Ariq felt. His drum lesson was taken away, and how he lost his orchestra team too.. To my surprise, Ariq noticed my silence and he said something that was really unexpected, "Mum, my teacher needs to let me go, to let the new drummer adjust quicker. People do better without a constant backup. He is good and he will be fine. He just needs the chance and time to adjust. My being there would only be holding him back." 

I lost for words... 

His orchestra teacher was still hoping for the senior members to be able to help out with the upcoming performances in the current month, but it looks like that the school committee had a different idea.. There would be no transition period.

This morning I had the formal notification, and I couldn't help shedding my tears.. And I talked to Ariq again.. And again, Ariq's reply hit me hard, "Mum, why are you so sad about this? Look at it this way, the teachers have taught us everything that needs to be taught. We, the senior members, have learnt everything that we need to learn from the teachers and the experience. We have our instruments and our skills, we are ready to move forward in our musical lives.. Yes, the teachers are starting from zero again, but they know that they can't escape that.. So, just take it easy.. It is time to move on.."

Oh my... I was speechless again..

When times like this happen, I feel like I'm one step behind Ariq.. I still hope for stability in his life, but he keeps reminding me that his world is not about stability, it is about the determination to keep moving on and forward..

The confidence Ariq shows me calms me down, and despite the daily unending chase I give him,  I am truly proud of him..

04.10.2017